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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Redefining me.

I think I'm beginning to get REALLY excited about the wedding of Number One Son David and Desirée this Saturday. I got REALLY excited, but in a totally different way, with the wedding of Number Two Son Jeffrey and Samantha last March. In both I'm trying on and did try on new roles.

I guess it sounds absurd to some people, but at 58 years of age, I'm about to go to the first wedding followed by a dance. You have to understand, I grew up in a small town where the receptions were in the basement of the church, and it was just a social gathering with cake and punch. In the intervening years I've gone to a couple I can think of that bordered on this kind of event, but none to match it. And absolutely none in which I was expected to dance with nobody dancing but my son the groom and me. I can easily stand and talk to a group of hundreds, but to dance???? Ouch! David has told me what music he chose for us to dance to, and I'm intrigued, mildly amused, and deeply honored that he felt it to be appropriate. He mentioned it and didn't tell the world, so I won't either.

I went to City Nails yesterday where the business card says they give "Excellent Nails care Services" but it felt like they capitalized the care. I don't think they knew what to do with a middle aged woman who had never had a manicure, but they walked me through it. I had a middle aged MAN doing my nails, and he did an excellent job. He jabbered in his native oriental language and spoke to me in English when hand signals wouldn't work, and we got along fine. He painted them the color I told him to which matched the swatch of the dress I took with me. I felt as obvious all day yesterday as I ever felt when I painted my own nails. I thought everybody in the world would know I was a fraud, that bright fingernails isn't who I am. This morning I put on a red dress that also matches the nails, though I swear the one for the wedding is pink, not red..... I told myself aloud in the car that "Maybe it is me." I doubt I will convince myself, but maybe people won't pick me out as an imposter when I'm out in public.

Maybe I'm not an imposter. Maybe this really is me. Interesting. Scary.


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